I hadn't crossed the border into outright fearfulness, but i was certainly wary of what a city like this had to offer the "even people who live there won't drive through the city center."

"nobody stops at robots [traffic lights] because of the fear of carjackings." And I here I was, with bolstered confidence about the endeavor just by having co-pilot chloe with me, driving right into the city.  Not quite the center, though.  We would be staying in observatory, one of the suburbs, in a converted mafia mansion now called brown sugar backpackers.  

 

The toughest part of getting to the city was the impossibly steep approach to the gate of the hostel... Where you had to stop... And then hill start... And immediately turn right. Ok i may have stalled the cars a couple of times, but chloe was a good sport and didn't tease I felt i really needed to take this weekend and relax a bit, after a relentless couple of weeks of game driving, distance driving and generally busy days.  The one thing i had to see, however, was the apartheid museum.  It was widely recommended by other travelers who, nonetheless, warned of its dense exhibits and somber mood.  Still, it was something i felt strongly compelled to see.  I was young, but aware, when much of the tumultuous ending to apartheid took place. 

 

My first impressions of the country were things that i had learned from celebrities who praised Nelson Mandela and a country trying to move beyond a horrific history of oppression and Chloe, another girl we'd met at the hostel and i drove across the city to the museum which sits opposite a disney-like theme park, a fact that struck me as slightly odd.  We spent hours pouring through the information and exhibits.  It was powerful, but not necessarily depressing. 

 

We were lucky to see a new nelson mandela exhibit in the museum's temporary space to honor the recently passed leader.  It encompassed his life from childhood to presidency and presented interesting insight into lesser known parts of his personal history.

 

The museum itself examined the history of south africa from its arriving colonists to the first truly general elections of 1994 which allowed people of all races to vote, and beyond to the ongoing struggle to repair a country after decades of human rights atrocities.

 

Going through the exhibits highlighted my own struggle with south africa.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved it there.  But there is no escaping a past which is only 20 years old. Affluent white areas of johannesburg where people (mostly white) live behind high walls with gated entrances and security watch towers dotting personal property are mere miles from Soweto, one of (if not the) largest slum in africa.  One side of cape town's stunning coastline with areas like camps bay, its large modern homes looking like something from orange county and the other side dominated by khayelitsha, a sprawling township of mostly tin-roofed shanty homes housing roughly 400,000 people (though many say that estimate is extremely low).  Its a striking dichotomy and one which doesn't settle well in my conscience.  

 

Still, many of the south africans i met are fiercely proud of their country.  They do not shy away from their troubled history, rather praise how far they have come.  Hollywood made a movie about the unifying moment the country experienced when it won the rugby world cup, but to speak to a native it is not merely a trite story from their past.  That cohesive pride is still a moment many recall with deep honor.  It is easy to forget that it was only just over 20 years ago those historic elections took place.  Many are working tirelessly to heal the wounds of the past, but it will inevitably take time and continuous effort for years to come.  

 

Despite the general impression i had of the city, i didn't experience any terrifying moments in Johannesburg.  I may have sensed a palpable tension, but that can be chalked up to the heightened awareness from persistent stories of warning.  The most uncomfortable i felt was amongst the fortress-like wealthy areas which impressed upon you a sense of some danger they must be protecting themselves from.  I wasn't in the city for very long, i cannot pretend to have a deep understanding of its complexities.  However i feel its reputation, while not completely unfounded, is perhaps overblown.  

 

I spent the rest of the weekend in the johannesburg hostel relaxing (and by relaxing, i mean furiously trying to finish my taxes with questionable wifi and a website bogged down by the fort knox of security systems).  Monday came, and it was time to leave.  Leave the city, the country and the continent.  The continent that had felt like home for over 2 months.  A place which, for some inexplicable reason, i am heartbroken to leave.  I felt at that moment like I could throw in the towel on the rest of my travels and head for all the other parts of Africa I want to see - Botswana, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Zambia, Malawi, Rwanda, Uganda.... The list goes on.

 

Because I want to see it all.  The varied cultures, the rich landscapes, sometimes lush and green, sometimes barren and unforgiving.  All of them beautiful. The planned future held exciting things as well, though.  I was headed to india!  And then nepal! 

 

There is so much more to see.  I boarded that plane out of or tambo airport with one surety in my heart - i will be back.  Somehow, somewhere in my travels... Africa stole my heart.

It need not be stolen, though, i give it gladly.